I never in a million years thought that I'd be going to dinner with my DUI lawyer, but there I was. He swooped me in a Lyft (maybe attempting to set a good example), and we were off to taco land. Maintaining conversation gets a lot easier with practice - I'm learning which questions to ask. "What's your favorite kind of cheese?" "How many siblings do you have?" "What's your dog like?" Things seemed to be going pretty well, and then... oh. Oh God. I can't quite remember how the conversation took such a turn, but all of the sudden we were knee-deep in kidney stones. He was telling me about his kidney stone experiences, which foods he had to avoid... even what kidney stones were made of. Fortunately for him, I find kidney stones quite interesting. But had he been describing his kidney stone passings in such vivid detail to literally anyone else, he might not have gotten a second date.
He paid for the meal, which was nice. But I was also definitely thinking, "Of course you're paying for fucking everything forever, I gave you $2000 to sit next to me in court, you asshole." We stopped by 900 Wall afterwards. Apparently going to a bar after a dinner is a step you take if the date is going well. He told me about his Mormon upbringing, and how he broke away from the Mormon community at 26. The first thing I thought was, "So, he was a virgin until he was 26. Or is he... still a virgin?" Can Mormons have sex? I'll have to Google it. We laughed a lot and had a pretty good time, so I invited him over to play board games. Of course I did, because apparently that's my thing. We watched the last 20 minutes of Step Brothers (which he had never seen, major red flag), and played board games for a bit. After about an hour I was super ready to call it a night. I kept saying, "I think I'm going to bed soon." I think I said that exact phrase around 30 times. But alas, the night continued. I think I finally had to say, "Okay, time for you to fucking leave," but I'm not too sure. It certainly felt that way. Overall it was a good date, and we set up another one for today (which probably won't happen). I'm still talking to Maverick's guy, and I set up a movie date at 5 with a new guy. Fitting three men into one Saturday is far too ambitious, even for me.
Even for me, who can expertly fit three men into... Oh yeah, that's right! After Lawyer guy left this other Tinderman showed up to my place with a six-pack of beer. I'm setting myself up to be murdered in my sleep like a true pro, aren't I. He was really fun, and we just sat outside with my roommate's friend talking and laughing for around 2 hours. I ended up calling it a night at 4 am, which was a horrible life choice, because I'm a grown-up. My house has become a revolving door for strange Tindermen, and I feel pretty bad for my roommates - hopefully nothing important gets stolen. All I can do is hope.
The date tonight at 5 will consist of a movie at Mcmenamins and probably a bar and board games, assuming that patterns are a thing. Love you, bye.
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