I made plans to go disc golfing with Guy #2 on Tuesday, but it was like 20 degrees outside and he refused to take a hint. I was like, "You don't think it's too cold?" And he was like, "Nope! I'll bring you tea." And I was like, "Fuck this, dude, it's way too fucking cold outside." And he was like, "Haha yeah tea is good!" Needless to say, I was ecstatic when I got called into work. I was legitimately off the hook. I told him he should come in for a beer, and... he actually did. I sat and talked to him for awhile when I got off, and invited him to come play trivia with my friends and I. But alas, he had plans to disc golf at 8:30. Apparently indoor disc golfing is a thing. It's good to have hobbies, but if you talk about your hobby exclusively and for hours at a time, you suck. You just suck.
Ask a goddamn question, you FOOL.
The next night, I was home with my roommate and decided to invite him over. Why? Because I like giving strange men my address, apparently. Dismemberment doesn't scare me. Why should it? I should probably chill on that, because murder is a real thing - even in Bend! As of recently, anyways. Apparently "Bend isn't what it used to be" because someone got shot like 7 months ago. Guns have infiltrated this sweet little mountain town and things have gone to total shit. Lock your doors at night, the guns are here.
Anyways, he showed up and hung out with us for awhile. He really isn't a bad dude at all, but he did something that one should never, EVER do while in another's home. He put his sweaty little disc golf feet up on the coffee table and proceeded to crack his goddamn mother-fucking toes. Yes, dude. It was upsetting. More upsetting for my roommate, for sure, but I was also like, "Oh... okay. This is happening now."
The night ended abruptly - I passed out at around 8 pm. I'm old and my bones are tired. He left, and that was that. There's been some mild texting today, but I don't know whether or not I can move on from the crackling hobbit toes. Probably I can. There isn't much I can't move on from. In this situation, it might be more of a "can he move on from my lack of good hosting" thing. I wasn't the greatest host. I'm generally not. Take me to dinner and I'll talk to you. Come over and drink my roommate's beer, I'll go to bed at 8 because my bones are tired (and maybe I ate an edible, hard to say).
I've got two dates lined up for tomorrow - one with my DUI lawyer, and one with some other random dude. Yes, tacos with my DUI lawyer. How Bend is that?
If the date goes well I'm going to ask for my $2000 back.
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