There are several steps in every well-rounded Tinder relationship. In order for the relationship to progress beyond Tinder, all of these steps need to be successfully taken. If they aren't, well... you simply aren't going to get laid. Sorry, Jarrod. Try again next year.
Step One: Initial Contact
We tend to put a lot of emphasis on this step, although in reality, it isn't all that important. Sure, we want more than, "hi gorgeous", but if the initiator is attractive enough, any introduction will do. Many of us choose to go the direction of, "How's your Saturday going?" Not only does this indicate that we know which day of the week it is (we are smart and aware), but it shows interest. Authentic interest. We want to know how Saturday is going - we care.
Step Two: The 'Getting To Know You' Stage
This is the most exciting step by far. Getting to know someone new is truly a thrilling experience. You will learn where they were born, what they studied in college, and how many days they have been snowboarding this season. Wow! You will learn how much they like to smoke weed (a lot), and what their favorite IPA is. It's RPM. You will quickly discover whether or not the person you're chatting with is a fucking weirdo. If they aren't a complete weirdo (or even if they are, but maybe not in a murder-y way), we will move onto Step Three.
Step Three: Making Plans
Oh, so you've got some common interests? You snowboard and like beer? That's crazy. And just like that, the plans have been laid. The tricky part when it comes to Step Three is the follow-through. You can lay plans all day, but actually making them happen is the hardest thing on Earth. Why? Well, first of all, meeting someone for the first time is nerve-wracking. Nerve-wracking and usually awkward as hell. Do you hug? Do you order what you want to eat, or order what you think they'll want you to eat? Like, "I really want a burger, but this dude is clearly vegan. Kimchi and cucumber salad it is." Secondly, it can be difficult to keep track of all of your plans, especially when you're trying to fit four or five dates into a workweek. I try to avoid ghosting, but sometimes it feels impossible to keep every conversation alive.
Anyways, Tinder isn't disappointing. I've already been on a classic 'date' (which you'll hear about in the next blog post), and I've "met up" with two other guys. I've got two more dates tomorrow and one lined up for Saturday. So sit back, relax, and enjoy the hoe. Just kidding, I'm not sleeping with anyone. Keeping it classy. Probably. We shall see.
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